So strange.. Do you know the feeling when you are unaware of the changes happening right under your nose untill its so far ahead of you it cant possibly be stopped? Then that moment of awakening that takes you totally by surprise and the only thing you can think is NOO NOT YET!! Well I know the feeling all to well.. Somehow things have a habit of sneeking up on me. It's not like I'm being careless or simply too unconcerned about my surroundings to care. I like to think its more to do with the fact that I love to watch..to see all there is to see.
Change is something that happens from within and eventually gets to us all. No one is a static entity simply because that is contradictory. You cant be both a personality and remain static at the same time. A personality requires a certain amount of animation and participation in order to be a personality. If you manage to be at a standstill let me know. I'd be very curious about how you manage to stay sane with the world wirling around you and all.
However what do you so when others absorb you so thoroughly that you cant see the changes within untill you are already changed beyond recognition. Who are you then. Will you still recognise yourself. Looking at others from a central point so you can see all is a lonely place. Is there anyone who will still see you? Trully see you.. And what about the people orbiting you in ties of friendship hatred and bloodties. When you change who you are can you maintain your possition as the observer or should you be the one surrendered to their relentless scruitiny. Will you let them?
The watcher or the watched. A never relenting sense of big brother who watches you has settled on society. But is it really big brother or is it just us watching us searching the minute flaws we all have and analyzing how to use that to our own advantage.
However intersting though not what i wanted to alk about.
The sence of fading and breaking out of what you used to be. Ever experienced that? The illusions you collect through your life builing them as a wall between yourself and the outside world showing the others who are watching just what you want them to see. What is it that lies behind that wall? Who is it you trully are? Are you naive enough to say you dont have such a wall? Is the you that is presented to other people exactly a representation of who you are and what you are thinking? Or do you edit. Edit who you are. Edit so others will see what they want.
It is amazing to which extend you can fake being sincere. You can even lock yourslef out of your true mind.
But think about it.
When the walls go down.
Who will you be?
Are you the hermit safely tucked behind the now crumbling remnants of you once proud conviction?
Or are you the slave of society the one who is easily pleased and easy to please others.
The one who has been there for all to see.
When the walls come tumbling down who will you be?
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